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June 2011

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Jun. 30th, 2011

Untitled

 

 

A new year has passed already.... its been a very long time since I last visited my LJ. Aww, I broke my promise again (_ _!)

 

My holiday is filled with fun, love, happiness and enjoyment. I realize family member and relatives are a very important part of our life, and having everyone gathered in this occasion is heart-warming. I also spend very good times with my friends... Everytime being with them, I can never stop laughing ^^ Chingu deul, sarang hae!!!! <3

 

This year I would try to be a better daughter.... As time passed, I love my mother even more. She possesses an immense love for me and my brother, more than anything I could ever imagine. I'm so sorry for the time I made her sad... Momi, I love you... I've said this to you many times but its still not enough :( I'll try my best to make you proud and happy, omma!!

 

Anytime I do a personality test, it always says that I'm introvert and emotion, which is opposite from my appearance. Its somehow true ^^ But I hardly show this side of me to others except for my close friends, who can see through me and know what I'm thinking, but just a few. My bad habit is staying up late and listening to music, I could be super emo and think alot. These days I'm trying to go to bed earlier and what funny shows at night, so that I would stop thinking nonsense.

 

I've just watched Secret Garden and I have to say its an amazing drama. Its not an simple idol drama with a boring and we-know-it-all plot, but very interesting and smart conversations as well as characters. I love the happyending of the two and I wish this couple can be real. My friend once said to me that she and I are the opposite when it comes to love. She is negligent (after seeing many jerks around her) while I'm more like a perfectionist who think love is absolutely beautiful and perfect to the point that its can hardly been found in the real world. Maybe she's right. I don't know.:))

 

Thats a brief of my situation these days. Will write more when I have the mood ^^

 

[After watching Secret garden for 2 consecutive times I still want to watch it again, especially when listening to You are my spring =.=]

 

Apr. 4th, 2009

[fanfic] Feelings

Author: shilkun
Pairings: Yunjae
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Beta: Will be beta-ed later...
Summary: What is this feeling ?


Feelings

As the clock striked 12, Jaejoong walked out on the corridor of his house, or to be more exact, DBSK’s house. Something has burdened him recently, he couldn’t even understand himself sometimes, just feeling moody whenever that thought come by. He crept into the room on the right side, Yunho and Changmin room, open the door without any sound so as not to wake the two sleeping guys in the room up. Jaejoong came to sit on the edge of the bed, right beside Yunho, and stared at him with the help of the dimly yellow light in the room. Looking at his sleeping Yunho, touch the leadershi’s face slightly with his hand, and trailed it along the cheek and jaw. Perfect, he thought. Everyone knows that Yunho is handsome, but actually no one could have a chance to see his perfectness at such a close distance, to touch it leisurely like he does now. Smile. Yunho and him have been friends for years. Yunho was always the one to protect him from the worst situation, just by holding his hand, or smile with him, hug him tightly with his arms. And he wondered what it would be like if someday he wakes up without having Yunho beside as always. He has got used to turn to Yunho when anythings happen, it has become a habit, just like, a reflection that he himself didn’t even notice. When he felt the most happiest, they share a warm hug. When he laughed, he leaned to Yunho’s side. When he was upset or embarrassed, he would secretly look at Yunho’s direction to receive an 'it's ok' glance. Only these subtle responds from the other guy made him feel more confident than ever, and warm at heart. It’s never changed.

Jaejoong wondered if Yunho has ever thought of him more than a friend. He has been with him long enough to know how much Yunho cares about him, but there is not enough evidence to give any futher conclusion. He did not even completely understand what he is feeling, just something strange, something more different when he thought about Yunho than the others. Especially the days when he separated from the group to act on a film not too long ago. Apart from Yunho, he felt that at the bottom of his heart he missed Yunho so much, so much for any words. Sometime he just want to see that familiar shape fooling around, being dorky all the time, but can suddenly turn into the hottest-man-on-earth in half a minute for a photoshoot. Without the other members, he somewhat felt sad, but without Yunho, he would find it hard to smile, to breath, to think of anything else but him. Sometimes Jaejoong just wanted to free himself from all these thought, but the more he tried to escape, the more it haunted him. Should he confess all those things to Yunho? He has questioned himself for the upteenth times, but he just realized he did not have the courage to even mention about this in front of Yunho. Imagine how awkward it would be between them if Yunho happens to know all this… After Banjun drama, they even felt their faces warm for days seeing each others, then what if Yunho knows that those scenes were not merely acting, but Jaejoong acted with his true feelings towards the other. Are these all wrong?

Jaejoong went back to his shared bedroom with Yoochun, smiled at the peaceful sleeping figure. Lying on the bed, the lead singer wished that this feeling is just a dream, a confusion, or whatever but not that.

But, from the bottom of his heart, he does know it is

 

  

 

 

It is… love.

 


Oct. 9th, 2008

Yunjae

"...as a friend", 3 simple words that makes my heart break into pieces. So, that's it. I've deluded myself to believe in sth that does not even exist. What a daydreamer!

Recently, i've sensed sth strange but i held myself from the thought and blamed my sensitiveness. But everything is so clear now. He affirmed it. YunJae, this will forever be a combined word and we can't change that fact!

I always want my Jaejoong to have someone to protect him. That's why i love YunJae and don't like Jaechun. It's not that i hate Chunnie, but because he's so sensitive and a crybaby, so in JaeChun, Jae will have to protect him. I believe Yunho is the one that can make Jaejoongie feel safe. He'd suffered a lot in the past, and of course i don't want that to ever repeat! In my eyes, Jaejoong is so fragile. When sth bad happened, he would be the one to comfort his dongsengs, but Yunnie was the one to comfort him.

"I wanted to ask...
Why i was lost in the woods...
Why i followed such a difficult love...
Why i couldn't find happiness in my life...
Now i know...
That i'm happy to have...
Someone who understands me...
and cares about me"
(By Jaejoong)

His poem to Yunho, these warm words CANNOT be fake.

Sometimes i think that YunJae fans are so selfish. We coupled Yun and Jae all the time, we gave them couple gifts, wish them happy (onthebed>_<) as real lovers and did not care what they might feel. But who can resist all those warm glances, gentle hand-touching, sweet smiles and care that just give us the feeling of LOVE. Lately it's in the Chocolate Kim Jung Eun show, the way they glanced and smiled secretly at each other was just so real. I love it when Jaejoong said in his honey voice:" Yunnie-ah, it's not rice cake"

Don't know why i've always been this perssimistic whenever these kind of things about YunJae happened. Last time was the Starshow, and now is MC Mong radio. Chunnie even said that Jaejoongie was the one that he wanted to live with in the future, and then Jaejoong only thanked Yunho for being the one that he could rely on AS A FRIEND. My heart almost stopped when i heard him saying those words! I hate you Jaejoong! Your actions made all of us believe in YunJae but your words always proved vice versa.

Maybe i just need sometimes to compose my feelings T_T I must have been obsessed with YunJae so much that i can't stop thinking this way. I just want my Jaejoong to be happy, cuz his happiness is mine too. Anyway, i'll support him whatever happens!

Oh suddenly realize how crazy i am !!!
Best wishes to YunJae & DBSK ~